no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
