Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
