Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
