so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
