I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
