CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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