I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
