not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
