either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
