If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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