i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
