so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
