Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
