I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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