I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
