She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
