I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
