protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
