He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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