between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
