so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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