im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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