The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
