I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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