i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and she was petting her beer can
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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