I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
