we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
