I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
