i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
