$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
