$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
