proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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