How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
