hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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