please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
