I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
