I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize