just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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