R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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