I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
