if i can run in heels then i can drive
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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