I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
