So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
