Apparently you make a good broom.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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