I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
