Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
