I feel like abortions should bother me more
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't EVER smell your tampon
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
