We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
