Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
