Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
