I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
