I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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