Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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