so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
