plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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