Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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