Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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