It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
