That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
