Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize