even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
