I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
