Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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