hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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