omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
