We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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