They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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