You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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