Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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