you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
